=>3500 Eiger: Zara H's Work 11.03.13

Welcome

Getting feedback is important to our writers.

Let us know what you liked or what you learned.
Steps to Comment:

1. Write your comment in the box below. Be sure that you have proofread it for spelling, grammar, punctuation, and capital letters. Children should have an adult check it!

2. Choose an identity. Select Name/Url and leave the url blank if you do not have a blog.

3. Click "Publish your Comment". You may preview your comment before publishing if you'd like. Important: All comments MUST be approved by me.:-) Mr Ahmed

Visitor Counter

Monday, 11 March 2013

6 Zara H's Work 11.03.13


The Monster

 

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I let out a blood-curdling shriek. In front of me lay a … mouse?  I let out a huge sigh of relief. I had been imagining it! As I walked further through the pitch black caves, I had a strange feeling someone’s eyes were fixated on my back. I took a few steps forward and then almost immediately turned around. My eyes met a horrifying scene. Once again I let out a blood-curdling scream. In front of me was a monstrous monster!!! With blood dripping from its lips, it was clear it wanted to annihilate me. My legs turned to jelly. It roared louder than an erupting volcano and a pride of lions put together, spraying me with mucus and snot. I collapsed in a shivering heap while my life flashed before my eyes. I was only 11 years old! There were so many things I wanted to do before I grew up. But it was too late to turn back now…!!!

 

 

The horrifying beast grasped me in its slimy gigantic hands and raised his hand so we were now face to face. “Tom! Tom! Wake up!” exclaimed a voice.

“Huh?” mumbled Tom, puzzled by the familiar voice. One minute, a monster was about to ea

6 comments:

  1. Great use of vocab. Nothing really bad.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I liked about the expression you put on but you sould look carefully of your work there are some spelling mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You have mentioned lots of wow words and vocabluary.You have mentioned hot the monster looks like and lots of words which give more affect.But, you should add suspence so it will stand out.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You have used good vocab like blood-curling shriek however you work is quite borring,you keep repeating certain words like shriek also the people published your work have accidently missed out the last word

    ReplyDelete
  5. I like the great use of vocab.well don but next time look at yor
    spelling

    ReplyDelete
  6. you used good vocab and you created a very high standard of work but try and add some more words that could build up suspense.

    ReplyDelete