=>3500 Eiger: Hana's Work 18.03.13

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Monday, 18 March 2013

4 Hana's Work 18.03.13


The Monster

 

Clawed into a wooden wall tallies engraved in blood dripped into the infested and mouldy water. A merge of vomit and urine flowed past me as constant pitter-patters filled the eerie landscape. An intricate door handle stood before me smothered in crimson blood. What sinister figure lurked before me? I could nearly envisage the blood-curdling creature pierced with stab wounds and malicious glares.

 

I could almost feel the perilous breath gazing over me, taunting me again and again. I could smell fungified rodents crawling over its satanous body. These hallucinations will haunt me forever. My heart cannot take this any longer, I could feel death any minute.

 

It gives me shivers to have the feeling that devious eyes are fixated on me. How will I survive this dreadful havoc? If only I wasn’t so stupid to have listened to my friends.

4 comments:

  1. Well Done Hana! You used good vocabulary such as perilous and intricate. To make it better, you could describe the monster in more detail.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like your vivid descriptions and the rhetorical question.
    Try to keep the tense consistent and make sure that it makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
  3. great work Hana the vocabulary was marvellous,and you were great with the setting description. you could describe the monster more to make it that much better

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like your discriptive language like perilous,havoc and devious eyes
    To improve,at the end discribe the monster more

    ReplyDelete