=>3500 Eiger: Hyphens Groups Writing

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Thursday, 4 October 2012

24 Hyphens Groups Writing

Please read each children's work. If you can feedback using two stars and a wish.
 
Examples comments:
Well done you used feelings and emotions (My heart pounded) and a good range of vocabulary (hysterical)
You need to add a range of connectives like: however, moreover, nevertheless..



Yameen
 
 

Zara H
 

Kajaani

Amber

Hasnaat

Hana

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24 comments:

  1. amber4 October 2012 at 17:49

    We all done very well in describing how we felt but for everyone I think that there should be more feelings and emotions.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hana5 October 2012 at 10:14

    @Zara H - Really good use of adjectives and description. I especially like the sentence : Cold beads of sweat. I think, for you to improve you could add more complex openers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hana5 October 2012 at 10:16

    @Amber - Excellent use of vocabulary and specific information.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Afra vhora bob se mora7 October 2012 at 13:23

    Hanas was good

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aleena8 October 2012 at 14:11

    @Zara h~An excellant peice of work using vcop from the text

    ReplyDelete
  6. Selma8 October 2012 at 14:12

    You all have done well in your writing you should be proud

    ReplyDelete
  7. kabir8 October 2012 at 14:15

    GOOD vocabulary

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  8. Anonymous8 October 2012 at 14:15

    @hana great piece of writing!but add a tiny bit more emotions!but overal;l i think it was good!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aleena8 October 2012 at 14:19

    @kajaani~excellant use of evidance from the text

    ReplyDelete
  10. Haroon8 October 2012 at 14:21

    yameen you did good work because there was punchuation in your work.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Isma8 October 2012 at 14:21


    @ Zara h A very good piece of writting,it was as if my brain was jammed

    ReplyDelete
  12. zara k8 October 2012 at 14:22

    Hasnat improve more come on you can do better.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mustafa8 October 2012 at 14:23

    You have done very well in describing the persons biorghaphy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ismail8 October 2012 at 14:24

    @Hasnaat good pice of writing but a few more adjectives would not hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Georgia8 October 2012 at 14:25

    @ Hana very detailed work i love the sentence you used (wrested and quarrelled) now thats a lovly sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lavanan8 October 2012 at 14:27

    @hasnaat- I like the usage of a metaphor 'butterflies in my stomach.'

    ReplyDelete
  17. Isma8 October 2012 at 14:30

    @ kajani I really liked your work especially the part 'trembled mouth'!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mr Ismail8 October 2012 at 14:36

    @Yameen= Yameen good pice of work you have added good phrase.

    ReplyDelete
  19. zara k8 October 2012 at 14:38

    I am loving your work hana amber ilaha and the rest of the group.

    ReplyDelete
  20. zara k8 October 2012 at 14:40

    you have all done great but some for you need to add some work.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hasnaat8 October 2012 at 14:41

    @kajaani- I liked the use of good VCOP.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Mr Ismail8 October 2012 at 14:41

    Zara H well done you have added feeling.

    ReplyDelete
  23. vinay8 October 2012 at 14:48

    great work hasnaat

    ReplyDelete
  24. ali8 October 2012 at 20:48

    very good yameen i like the vocab but you need to improve on the feelings.

    ReplyDelete

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